MENTOR - MANAGEMENT CLINIC

Question: Until recently I had a very good relationship with a councillor with whom I work closely. However, I have ...

Question:
Until recently I had a very good relationship with a councillor with whom I work closely. However, I have found out he has been complaining about the quality of my work and how well I support him to other members. I am shocked as I have always asked for frank feedback and he has claimed to have given it. Now I feel I can't trust him and I feel resentful.

Answer:
How do you know he has been complaining? Often when we are told this kind of news by a third party it is highly unreliable. In fact, most of the time it is pure scuttlebutt and the third party may be secretly enjoying your discomfiture. The only way you'll find out is to go to the source - the councillor himself. Ambush him in a corridor. Say briefly that you have heard from an unnamed source that he has some concerns about your work. Before he can reply, press on with, "Either way, I really would like us to review how we're working together. Can we fix a meeting to discuss it?" Don't let him escape before he has agreed to see you, ideally in your office (that is, on your territory).

At the meeting stay pleasant, open and non-defensive. Start with a general question: "How is the working relationship going as far as you're concerned?" You will get soothing clichés in reply, but press on. Say "I'd really like to hear from you what's working and what isn't". This shows you are able to hear negatives - if indeed he has them.

Stay neutral. Press for examples, whether of strong or weak points. Summarise what he has said. Depending on what you've heard, either just thank him, or give your side of things.

Finally ask, "What would need to happen from your point of view for this relationship to function better?" Then offer him your view of what you need in return. When you have done this, congratulate yourself on having the courage to initiate a conversation few people ever have but which everyone needs to conduct on a regular basis with any colleague.

Jenny rogers - Management coach and director, Management Futures